


The Unchanging Stars

by starbuckyy



Series: trans!remus [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, M/M, Pining, Pre-Slash, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transgender, Truth Serum, Truth or Dare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-29
Updated: 2013-12-29
Packaged: 2018-01-06 14:43:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1108078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starbuckyy/pseuds/starbuckyy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he looked at James' sly grin, Remus knew he had gotten himself into quite a sticky situation.</p><p>He should never have agreed to keep watch while James snuck into the Potions supply closet to steal the veritaserum. He should never have let the smug bastard get his hands on the potion.</p><p>To be fair to himself though, how was he to know that James would slip a few drops into the four boys' butterbeers? He couldn't have predicted that he, Peter, Sirius, and James would spend the coming Thursday evening sprawled on Peter's bed, taking turns to ask each other questions that would have to be answered truthfully. Only James Potter would come up with a game like this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Secrets Revealed

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is the first fic I've ever finished and posted, so sorry if it's shitty in places. I'm not a very experienced writer.  
> This will be multichapter, but as whole thing is already written it won't be long before it's all up. It's not very long. I myself am trans, which is one of the places I got the inspiration to write this fic.  
> Also, this is sirius/remus preslash. I'm planning on writing more fics in this universe, during which you see their relationship develop but in this one there's just subtle pining. Sorry.  
> Thanks to the amazing Avery Notquiteaghost for betaing my fic and also being an amazing best friend, qplp, and all round perfect person.

When he looked at James' sly grin, Remus knew he had gotten himself into quite a sticky situation.

He should never have agreed to keep watch while James snuck into the Potions supply closet to steal the veritaserum. He should never have let the smug bastard get his hands on the potion.

To be fair to himself though, how was he to know that James would slip a few drops into the four boys' butterbeers? He couldn't have predicted that he, Peter, Sirius, and James would spend the coming Thursday evening sprawled on Peter's bed, taking turns to ask each other questions that would have to be answered truthfully. Only James Potter would come up with a game like this.

Well, okay, Sirius could have come up with a game like this. If he was feeling particularly mischievous.

It had all started off rather tame. _What score did you really get on this exam?_ and _What did that person say to you when they dumped you?_ Ordinary 15 year old things. As the game went on, and the boys consumed more butterbeer, however, the questions grew more and more daring.

"So, Padfoot, you ever jerked off to a teacher?"

Sirius stared at James with disgust.

"Eurgh, _no_ James, that's gross."

Peter looked thoughtful, however. "To be fair, Professor Pearce is quite attractive," he reasoned.

James gestured to Peter, nodding enthusiastically. "Yes, yes, my thoughts exactly!"

Remus frowned at him. "So have _you_ ever jerked off to a teacher?"

James placed a hand on his heart and sent Remus a reproachful look. "You wound me! You know my heart- and my dick- belong to one person only. Ah, Lily." He sighed, falling back onto his corner of Peter's bed. Sirius' head had found it's way to Remus' lap as the evening wore on, and Peter was sitting on his pillows with his legs drawn up to his body.

"We don't need to hear more about your fantasies involving Evans, we hear enough of them when you're not being forced to tell the truth." Sirius called to James.

James flipped him his middle finger, and Sirius snorted, turning his head slightly in Remus' lap. Remus repressed a shudder and for once was thankful he couldn't get a hard-on.

"Just spin the fucking bottle, Padfoot."

Sirius, being the lazy bugger he was, waved his wand at the bottle without moving an inch. Remus rolled his eyes.

He eyed the bottle warily, however, as it came to a stop pointing towards him.

"Ooooooh, Moony! Gotta answer a question now!" James called across to him as Peter sniggered. Sirius grinned up at him.

"Is it true I'm the sexiest person you know?"

Remus whacked his head head. "Sirius, shut up, that's not a real question."

Sirius rubbed the top of his head and gave Remus a reproachful stare.

"Alright, alright!" He begun to smirk slightly, his eyes glinting evilly. "Hey Remus, is it true that you iron your socks?"

Remus' face grew hot, and he looked away, avoiding eye contact with the other Gryffindors.

"C'mon Moony! You're under veritaserum!" Peter chimed.

"Yeah! And this is a safe space, Remus." James nodded seriously. "All sorts of odd and freakish behaviours are celebrated instead of mocked!"

Sirius snorted and sent him a derisive look. "Yeah, sure Prongs. Whatever you say."

Remus was steadily blushing harder and after a pause said in a quiet voice, "I just like my socks to be warm and wrinkle-free. What's wrong with that?"

"Absolutely nothing, my dear Moony," Sirius ensured, patting Remus' shoulder comfortingly while James and Peter roared with laughter. "Nothing whatsoever. Hey, quit being such a git!" He yelled at James, who ignored him and continued to snigger.

"Hey, Wrinkle-Free-Remus! Spin the bottle!" He called. Remus shoved his middle finger up but followed the instruction anyway. It landed on James.

"Prongs, if you had to snog someone in this room, who would it be?" Remus inquired.

James looked around at the three of them, before sniffing haughtily, and replying with, "Sirius, but only because he's a handsome sod."

Peter nodded, and Sirius preened.

"Good choice," he grinned at James. "I'd pick me too."

Peter frowned. "But how would you kiss yourse-"

"My turn to spin the bottle!" James interrupted, launching himself forward and enthusiastically spinning the bottle, which landed on Sirius.

"Going off our last question, Padfoot, have you ever wanted to snog a boy?" James smirked, mischievously.

"Yes." Sirius stated matter of factly. The smirk slid off James' face and everyone stared at Sirius, who rolled his eyes. He levered himself out of Remus's lap using his elbows, and sat up slightly. "This may be a good time to mention I'm gay." He said.

Remus could hardly breathe. There was no way this was happening. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry, and was feeling an inexplicable urge to do both. Sirius could like him. Except he wouldn't, because who would? He was a step closer but still too far out of reach. He-

"Wait, so my best friend's a poof?" James said, in shock.

Taking advantage of his still Sirius-free lap, Remus leant over to Peter's bedside to grab a book, which he lobbed at James. It hit him in the forehead.

"Ouch! What was that for?" James yelped, rubbing the spot where he had been struck.

"You're not allowed to say that word, it's nasty."

Sirius nodded as he settled himself back onto Remus' lap.

"Moony's right, but yes, James, I am a poof."

James glared at Remus. "Aren't you going to throw a book at him?"

Remus grinned at him. "Nope! He's allowed to say it, he's gay."

James grumbled to himself, then said, "Why didn't you tell us?" His voice was serious, and Remus picked up underlying traces of hurt. Sirius shrugged.

"It just never came up. Anyway, it's my turn to spin the bottle."

The next spin landed on Peter. "Hey, Wormtail, who do YOU want to kiss?"

Peter's ears turned bright red, and he looked down, muttering something unintelligible.

"Pardon?"

"Ruby Harris." He mumbled, barely loud enough for them to hear. James and Sirius burst out laughing and Remus patted Peter's arm sympathetically. Ruby Harris was an incredibly beautiful and kind seventh year Hufflepuff that pretty much the entire school had a crush on. Unfortunately for all the boys, she was both taken and gay, having been asked out by Claire Lynch from Slytherin 3 or so months earlier. Remus was glad that the majority of the uproar had been that a Slytherin was dating a Hufflepuff, and not that they were gay.

After Sirius and James had stopped teasing Peter, the bottle was spun again, this time landing on James.

"What will your third child with Evans be called?" Peter asked, grinning smugly.

"Crystal Eliza Potter if she's a girl, Oliver Tom Potter if he's a boy." James said without a pause, before blinking and stammering, "Erm, I mean, no-"

It was too late though. The damage had been done. Peter, Remus, and Sirius were positively howling with laughter, high fiving each other and wiping tears from their eyes, while James buried his face in his hands. "I'm like a goddamn teenage girl!" He moaned.

"Except much less awesome. Teenage girls are undeniably cool, and you are undeniably Not Cool." Sirius informed him, once the laughter had subsided. "Nice try though, mate."

James groaned again, and spun the bottle, which landed on Remus again.

And so here they were. James was staring at Remus with a sly grin and an evil glint in his eyes, and Remus was wondering why he ever let this game happen. He was the responsible one; he was meant to prevent things like this.

"Moony. Moony Moony Moony. Moony Moony Moooony."

"Yes James?"

"Moony. Do you fancy anyone?"

Remus' mouth went dry. No. Please, no.

"Yes." He whispered.

"Moony, who do you fa-"

"Ah ah ah!" Sirius interrupted. "Only one question! He has to spin the bottle now."

Remus shot Sirius a thankful glance before spinning the bottle with a flick of his wand. It landed on Peter.

"Pete, would you rather eat a spider or kiss Snape?" Remus asked.

James and Sirius laughed boisterously at the look of utter dismay and horror on Peters face, and Remus smiled at him.

"Well?" He prompted.

"Eat a spider," Wormtail admitted after a good full minute of disgusted contemplation.

"Good choice, my man!" James congratulated, high fiving Peter. "Anything's better than kissing Snivellous."

Peter nodded, and spun the bottle, which landed on Remus.

The light haired boy frowned. "I don't know what to ask." He admitted.

"Try something simple, or something vague." James suggested.

Peter chewed on his lip for a minute or two before turning to Remus.

"What's your biggest secret we don't know?"

Oh shit. Remus froze, and he could hardly breathe. No. Oh God, no. This couldn't be happening to him. He started to shake slightly, and Sirius, who's head was still in his lap, frowned up at him.

"You okay, Moony?"

"I'm transgender." Remus said, quietly, his voice shaking. "I was born female."

Everyone froze, laughing smile slipping off James and Peter's faces. They all stared at him. He extracted himself out from underneath Sirius, and stood up, raising his wand.

"Accio James' cloak!" He called.

"No!" Sirius cried, breaking the enchantment on the other boys, who seemed able to move again. "James, grab it!"

James made a swing for his cloak as it passed him, but it swooped right passed him into Remus' waiting arms, and he promptly disappeared underneath it.

 


	2. Secrets Discussed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this is really super short soRRY but chapter 3 is longer and will defo be up by the end of the day, so  
> also misgendering tw. sorry.

"Shit! _SHIT_!" Sirius was pacing back and forth, his hands flapping by his sides, running through his hair, clenching and unclenching, unable to stay still.

"I don't see what the big deal is. So Moony’s a girl! So what, she's still the same person." James said. He had been shocked initially when Remus had blurted out her big secret, but now he seemed calm as ever, and he was wondering why Sirius was so agitated.

"He! Remus is a ** _he_ _!_** He's a ** _boy_** , James!" Sirius rounded on James, waving his his wand around as he gestured, causing red and black sparks to fly out of the tip. "Could you take your head out of your arse for _just one second_ and see that we have a problem here? And this is all your fault anyway!"

"My fault!?" James yelped. "How is this my fault!?"

"You were the one who suggested this bloody game in the first place! And you!" He turned to Peter. "What a fucking stupid question to ask! The whole point of secrets is that they're secret!"

"I- I- I didn't- I never-" Peter stammered.

Sirius' face softened slightly, and he sighed.

"I know you didn't, Wormtail, I know." He flopped down onto his bed and stayed there for a whole ten seconds before he was back on his feet again.

"We've got to find him."

"What? You've got to be kidding! Moony's got the cloak! This school is massive!"

But Sirius was already shrugging on some warmer clothes, clearly ignoring James' protests.

"Sirius, c'mon! We haven't finished the map yet, Remus'll probably be back before you can find her- him."

Sirius glared at him.

“If he was really a girl do you think Dumbledore would’ve let him sleep in the boys dorm?” He turned, and walked towards the door. Just before he got there, however, he turned back.  

“And James? Call Remus a girl again, and I’ll hex you,” he threatened, in a deadly serious voice. With that, and a swish of his cloak, he was gone.


	3. Secrets Accepted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter!! im probably going to write more drabbles to go with this fic, so keep an eye out for them just in case.  
> please comment! (if ur a friend and u dont comment im disowning u) (not really but [puppy eyes])

Remus was sat at the top of the astronomy tower, staring up at the stars. He had always loved stars. They were unchanging, and harmlessly beautiful, unlike the moon. The stars could lead Remus home, whereas the moon was often what had gotten him lost in the first place.

He started slightly as he heard footsteps slowly approaching. Standing up slowly, he checked that the cloak was completely covering him before turning and facing the stairs. As he had expected, Sirius appeared. He looked around, then walked over to the edge of the ramparts, sitting down there and clearly not put off by the lack of visible Remus.

He was halfway to the door when he heard Sirius speak.

"I know you're here."

He froze, hardly daring to breathe.

"I know you're here, I know that you're probably halfway to the door, I know that you're mentally debating making a run for it, and I also know you're going to stay and hear me out."

Seeing as he was correct about the first three, Remus assumed that meant Sirius was correct about the forth and slowly turned to face him.

"James sent me to fetch you. ...Okay, he didn't, but I thought a dog pun might lighten the mood. It was pretty tense back there. I had to yell at James. I even threatened to hex him! I wasn't joking though, I would if I needed to."

Remus had slowly walked back over the the ramparts and slid to the floor, not far from where Sirius was sitting. He tucked his legs up to his chest and his back was pressed up against the wall. Sirius sighed.

"Moony, it's okay. I want to say I understand but I don't, like I don't understand what it's like to be a werewolf. At least with the werewolf thing I could do something to help, I could become an animagus, but with this..." Sirius gestured around hopelessly, searching for words that were refusing to be seen. "I know I will never understand what it's like to be you. I want to, but I can't, so the best I can do is say that I'll always be here for you, no matter how freakish you think you are. I can see it in your eyes, you know? Usually you hide it well, but back in the dorm... You're not a freak, Remus Lupin. You're amazing, and kind hearted, and sensible, and devilishly handsome, and smart, and unique, and so many other things, but one thing you're not is a freak."

Sirius **h** uffed, then slid down the ramparts to join (the still invisible) Remus on the floor. "Is the emotional bit over now? Thank God. I'm not good with emotional speeches. Did I do okay? ...Oh yeah, you're staying invisible." He fell silent for a few minutes before turning to the spot he imagined Remus to be, which was startlingly close to where Remus actually was.

"Seriously though, Moony. You are no less of a man than any of us. I mean, you have more balls than Peter. I know you'll have been freaking out about this but really, as long as you're happy we don't care. Okay, James may be a bit iffy at first; he's never heard of trans people before. Few wizards have, to be fair. I only know about them because of the rants my dear mother makes about the scum of the earth, the freaks of nature, the people so far beneath her, blah blah blah. I learnt early on that anyone my mother hated was probably good. Like muggles, black people, trans people, and queer people." He laughs darkly. ”God, she'll probably disown me when she finds out I'm gay. To be fair, I'll probably have moved out by then. My mother's not a nice person, as you know." He wrinkles his nose. "Eurgh, she thinks You-Know-Who has the right idea! Can you imagine? And she thinks _we’re_ scum! At least _we_ don't murder innocent people! Urgh, I can't wait to move out. D'ya think James' parent's would let me move in with him during the summers? That'd be _**awesom** **e** **!**_ You and Peter could come visit! Anything would be better than staying with my family." Sirius pauses, contemplative, before continuing. "To be honest, they're not my family, you are. You, and James, and Peter. You're more my brothers than Regulus ever was. Regulus is probably going to become a Death Eater one day, that's how far gone he is. He'd do anything to please his _darling mummy_. He's so-"

"You're rambling."

Sirius jumped slightly at the unexpected interruption. Remus' head had appeared floating in midair about a metre from where Sirius was sitting. The head was soon joined by a body as Remus pulled the cloak off.

"Remus! I'd almost forgotten you were here!" Sirius knelt up on his knees and pulled his friend into an awkward hug. Once they had separated, Remus smiled tentatively at him.

"I was surprised you found me." 

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Pur-leeeaase I always know where you are. You're stuck with me, moonboy." He winked, and threw his arm around Remus. They both settled back against the ramparts and gazed up at the stars.

"They're beautiful, aren't they?"

"They are."

Remus didn't notice that Sirius was looking at him, not the stars.

**Author's Note:**

> i know the phrase 'i was born female' is iffy as heck but i feel like its the most incharacter thing for remus to say. id k sorry


End file.
